Meet Miss February! Our Dame of the Month!

Congratulations to Drop Dead Delores (or Triple D as she is more commonly known) for being named February’s Dame of the month! Hey, I know it’s a little late, but we thought it was a leap year and we would have more time. We can’t be expected to always keep up with months and days and what-nots; we aren’t Druids!

So allow me to tell you a little something about Triple D. Her derby name, apart from the blatantly obvious inspiration, comes from her middle name, Delores, and the fact that she’s just drop-dead gorgeous.Triple D plays as a blocker, jammer and pivot and, might I add, is awesome at all three. She was also named Miss Congeniality for the 2009-2010 season; not surprising, how could anyone not love this face?

Outside of derby, she is known as Kellie Lunning: wife, mother of two awesome girls and computer nerd extraordinaire…or IT specialist. She loves spending time with husband Mike and daughters Hannah and Emma. And who wouldn’t? They’re a pretty kick-ass family. When she isn’t busy being a triple threat on the derby track, Triple D loves biking, traveling and snuggling up with the fam to watch movies.

“I love roller derby, it pushes you farther than you ever thought you could go; when you push yourself like that every week, all you can do is feel good about yourself. As people say, ‘if roller derby was easy, everybody would do it.’  I take a lot of pride in knowing that I am one of those that CAN play Roller Derby!” -Kellie “Drop Dead Delores” Lunning

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It’s A-BOUT Time to Get Tickets!

We’re pert-near sold out of presale tickets, so get them while they’re cheap! Grab your $10 tickets at Kinetico on Morningside Ave, Knoepfler Chevrolet on Jackson St or Dalton’s Office on 4th and Water. Can’t get presale tickets? Well, just for you, because you’re a close, personal friend of mine, you can buy your ticket at the door for just $12.

Dames vs. Kornstalkers: Whatever Happens, Dude, Just Don’t Get a Boner in the Pack.

I don’t know how y’all celebrate Valentine’s Day, but, traditionally, I like to sweat it up with a bunch of big, hairy, tattooed-up dudes. Luckily, this year, I happened to be playing roller derby against the Kornstalkers, who fit the bill perfectly. Ooohh, I’ve gotta remember to take down that Craigslist ad.

Awww, they're so sweet, I could just sop 'em up with a biscuit!

The Kornstalkers are Sioux City’s brand new men’s roller derby team, who will be playing their first “for real, for real” bout this upcoming Saturday against Des Moines’ Your Mom men’s derby team. So, to help them prepare, the Roller Dames graciously agreed to play a scrimmage with them and “get ’em broke in right”, as my horse trainer/gynecologist always says.

Really, who wouldn't want to just stay behind us?

Dames established a small lead early in the bout and slowly widened the gap with a series of 4 and 5-point jams. The Kornstalker jammer, The Rodster scored 13 points in a single jam, while your humble narrator, Skinnerella, only scored 4. What can I say, I just make men want to skate away from me really, really fast. That jam swung the score back in the Kornstalkers’ direction, allowing them to take a slim 26-24 lead.

The Rodster: "So this is what all those guys at my high school meant when they were talking about scoring!"

Then we all collectively decided that we weren’t gonna have none of that mess, and pulled decisively back into the lead, leaving the score 41-67 at halftime. The halftime performance featured Mo Payne and Dubbs changing their shirts when they thought no one was looking, as the two swapped out Kornstalker bench-coaching duty.

Stella kicks The Kracken while he's down.

Back on the track in the second half, Dames scored 4 points in the first jam, then hit a drought, the likes of which had not been seen round these parts since the dust bowl. We were held completely scoreless for the next five jams, while the Kornstalkers put up a combined 26 points, bringing them within three itsy-bitsy points of the lead, 68-71.

The other Stalkers look on as Speed Trap gets to know Mizfit's sharp, little shoulder.

But then this happened: Mo Payne took the jam line against Spyder Rodriguez, who promptly went to the penalty box after scoring only 2 points. Mo went on to score 15 in that jam, teaching her little derby ducklings an important lesson and bringing the score soundly into our favor. The official final score for the scrimmage was 91-111, Dames.

Knockin' Bones makes keeping a pack of women in check look easy.

Some honorable mentions for the Stalkers: The Rodster had the highest total points with 32, please hold you applause. Spyder followed closely with 25 total points. And let’s not forget our little kamikaze, Speed Trap, who put up 18 points. Tripod (ha haaa, I just got his name!) scored two grand slams in his only jam.

We are, as always, gracious and demure winners.

For the Dames, Mo (who only played in the second half, mind you) scored 30 points, along with Steel Bullitt Stella. Little ol’ me scored 21, mostly through trickery and idle threats, but points are points. FYI: it isn’t against the rules for me to lie and tell you that you are out of play, when you are, in fact, not. And I don’t know how often this will come up outside of coed play, but when someone says: “Hey! That’s my nipple!” you really just have to ignore it and keep blocking.

Here I'm telling Banzai Bo that if he hits me too hard, I'll get pregnant.

The Dames all had a kick-ass time playing with our derby baby brothers. And just remember: we hit you because we love you so much.

Roller Dames vs. Bruizin’ Bettys: Before You Call Me an A-Hole, Just Let Me Explain.

Let me start this blog with a few words about love, family and growth. You see, the Norfolk Bruizin’ Bettys are like our little derby sisters. The team has only been around for a few months and, being so nearby, many players and refs from our team have practiced, scrimmaged and played with them. We love our little sisters. We want to teach them all about how to put on lipstick and tease their hair, but when Mom and Dad are at the boat show and our boyfriend comes over to make out with us in the basement, we might yell and throw a flip-flop at our little sisters, but we don’t mean it. We still love them.

 

See! They're giving us fives...or tiny slaps.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, none of us threw any footwear at any of the Bettys–that would be uncalled for–but we did kinda beat the tar out of them at roller derby on Saturday. Derby years, you must understand, are like dog years; the Dames have been around for three years, so that makes us 21 in derby years, whereas the Bettys have only been around for 6 months, making them about three and a half. So, viewing the match-up in those terms, it is not so terribly appalling that we outscored the Bettys by 322 points.

 

Mo Payne and Danger Girl see who can make the sillier face. These gals are quadruple threats!

 

Both teams used the bout as a learning/teaching experience. Dames put out several rookie jammers (ahem, your humble narrator included) and tried out some fun whips.

 

Lil' Mizfit gets a whip from PBR that sends her halfway to Funkytown.

 

Felony Convixen and I popped our jammer cherries together, with Felony scoring a total of 28 points in 4 jams. My numbers were not so impressive; I was just so excited to get lead jammer that I just called off the jam real quick so I could go brag to my buddies.

 

Some people will tell you that it is important to keep your eyes open and your tongue in your mouth while jamming. I beg to differ.

 

Lil’ Mizfit and Triple D both got a little more used to wearing the star, with Mizfit putting up two 19-point jams and one 9 pointer. Triple D, not to be outdone in bra size or scoring, rang up a 19 and 20-point jam. Steel Bullitt Stella, recently back from a long hiatus, found that the ol’ jammer panty still fit, putting 29 points on the board in three jams. And let’s not forget that The “I’ll-never-jam-so-stop-asking-me” Annihilatrix even took a turn at the jam line, putting up 8 points and shutting out the opposing jammer.

 

Here we observe a rare photograph of The Annihilatrix jamming. Behold the myth. Believe the legend.

 

The Bettys played a great bout and showed huge promise and skill on the track. They played a pretty clean bout, with only 33 total penalty minutes for the whole team. If that sounds like a lot, just recall some of the Dames early bouts, when Mo Payne and PBR spent so much time sitting in the box that the penalty timers embroidered personalized hemmoroid pillows for them.

 

Felony Convixen and Go Go Gadgit were neck and neck until Gadgit activated her Go-Go-Gadgit copter and flew over the entire pack!

 

Bruizin’ Bettys’ jammer Go Go Gadgit sported the jammer star seven times during the bout and put up a total of 14 points, including one grand slam. Danger Girl scored two grand slams in one jam near the end of the first half.

 

Miss Ruthless gets past all those other Dames only to find PBR's buns of steel waiting for her.

In the second half, things went from rough to rougher for the Bettys. Up until the next to last jam, the Bettys’ only scored 4 lonely points in the half. Then Cream Ur Soda had a solid 7-point jam; Miss Ruthless added a few more points in the final jam of the bout, but, alas, it was not quite enough to close the 300-some-odd-point gap.

 

 

Go Go Gadgit gets past the pack and promptly thanks God, her talented director and the Academy.

The Bruizin’ Bettys played a good game and showed remarkable skill considering that this was only their third real bout. They were, as always, gracious, kind and kick-ass hostesses. Keep being your bad-ass selves, ladies, and you’ll be  roller derby goddesses in no time!

 

I don’t care how you pronounce it, Norfolk spells AWESOME!

Saturday! Road Trip! Wooo Hooo! Y’all should all come to Norfolk with us; it’ll be EPIC, dude, EP-IC! Your favorite Dames will be taking on the the Bruizin’ Bettys on their home turf, Saturday, 7 pm at Divot’s (here).

vs.   

You can get advance tickets for $10 each at Punks Tattoo, The Phoenix Room, or Full Throttle Services or $12 at the door. Kids 10 and under are free, so bring extras! Proceeds from the bout will go to the Norfolk Rescue Mission. Then after the bout, join us all at the Phoenix Room (you know, where you bought your tickets) for the after party. I will count on seeing you all there to cheer for us…and for the Bettys too, I really just want everyone to do well and have a good time. And might I add: Wooooo Hoooooo!

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