Roller Dames vs. Bruizin’ Bettys: Before You Call Me an A-Hole, Just Let Me Explain.

Let me start this blog with a few words about love, family and growth. You see, the Norfolk Bruizin’ Bettys are like our little derby sisters. The team has only been around for a few months and, being so nearby, many players and refs from our team have practiced, scrimmaged and played with them. We love our little sisters. We want to teach them all about how to put on lipstick and tease their hair, but when Mom and Dad are at the boat show and our boyfriend comes over to make out with us in the basement, we might yell and throw a flip-flop at our little sisters, but we don’t mean it. We still love them.

 

See! They're giving us fives...or tiny slaps.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, none of us threw any footwear at any of the Bettys–that would be uncalled for–but we did kinda beat the tar out of them at roller derby on Saturday. Derby years, you must understand, are like dog years; the Dames have been around for three years, so that makes us 21 in derby years, whereas the Bettys have only been around for 6 months, making them about three and a half. So, viewing the match-up in those terms, it is not so terribly appalling that we outscored the Bettys by 322 points.

 

Mo Payne and Danger Girl see who can make the sillier face. These gals are quadruple threats!

 

Both teams used the bout as a learning/teaching experience. Dames put out several rookie jammers (ahem, your humble narrator included) and tried out some fun whips.

 

Lil' Mizfit gets a whip from PBR that sends her halfway to Funkytown.

 

Felony Convixen and I popped our jammer cherries together, with Felony scoring a total of 28 points in 4 jams. My numbers were not so impressive; I was just so excited to get lead jammer that I just called off the jam real quick so I could go brag to my buddies.

 

Some people will tell you that it is important to keep your eyes open and your tongue in your mouth while jamming. I beg to differ.

 

Lil’ Mizfit and Triple D both got a little more used to wearing the star, with Mizfit putting up two 19-point jams and one 9 pointer. Triple D, not to be outdone in bra size or scoring, rang up a 19 and 20-point jam. Steel Bullitt Stella, recently back from a long hiatus, found that the ol’ jammer panty still fit, putting 29 points on the board in three jams. And let’s not forget that The “I’ll-never-jam-so-stop-asking-me” Annihilatrix even took a turn at the jam line, putting up 8 points and shutting out the opposing jammer.

 

Here we observe a rare photograph of The Annihilatrix jamming. Behold the myth. Believe the legend.

 

The Bettys played a great bout and showed huge promise and skill on the track. They played a pretty clean bout, with only 33 total penalty minutes for the whole team. If that sounds like a lot, just recall some of the Dames early bouts, when Mo Payne and PBR spent so much time sitting in the box that the penalty timers embroidered personalized hemmoroid pillows for them.

 

Felony Convixen and Go Go Gadgit were neck and neck until Gadgit activated her Go-Go-Gadgit copter and flew over the entire pack!

 

Bruizin’ Bettys’ jammer Go Go Gadgit sported the jammer star seven times during the bout and put up a total of 14 points, including one grand slam. Danger Girl scored two grand slams in one jam near the end of the first half.

 

Miss Ruthless gets past all those other Dames only to find PBR's buns of steel waiting for her.

In the second half, things went from rough to rougher for the Bettys. Up until the next to last jam, the Bettys’ only scored 4 lonely points in the half. Then Cream Ur Soda had a solid 7-point jam; Miss Ruthless added a few more points in the final jam of the bout, but, alas, it was not quite enough to close the 300-some-odd-point gap.

 

 

Go Go Gadgit gets past the pack and promptly thanks God, her talented director and the Academy.

The Bruizin’ Bettys played a good game and showed remarkable skill considering that this was only their third real bout. They were, as always, gracious, kind and kick-ass hostesses. Keep being your bad-ass selves, ladies, and you’ll be  roller derby goddesses in no time!

 

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6 Comments

  1. This is why I love you Skinner.

  2. love the fabulous pic!

  3. […] See the highlights here! Previous Topic: T^3 Bootcamp […]

  4. Ha! That’s right I scored 8 points! Now I can go back to being a pivot for another 3 years before I have to do it again!

  5. Awesome article! Now that is talent and what a joy to read. I couldn’t find the author but “kudos” to you!!

  6. Great article!
    I can’t wait to play the Bettys! They sound like a great group of ladies!

    *alisin wonderbra #80d*
    CRRG Bombshell Cartel Captain


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