Hey, Remember When We Played Fargo? Yeah, Me Neither.

But I promise it did happen. Two weeks ago, which is like 15 years in blog-time. Some might say I dropped the ball on this one, but the fact is I just set the ball aside for a bit; a gal can only handle so many balls at one time.

Why is everyone falling down? And what happened to my jar of rendered goose fat?

First, let me remind you of how awesome the Fargo-Moorhead Derby Girls are. We played them twice during last year’s Rolling Along the River Tournament and both bouts were crazy-fun, competitive and exciting for both players and spectators. The Roller Dames barely eked out wins against them in the tournament, all the while, the Fargo ladies displayed great sportsmanship, positive attitudes and impossibly high alcohol tolerances. Also, they wear these super-cute sparkly blue uniforms, which I just love.

Team Paramedic, Waste 'em Kate, thinks we ought to give peace a chance, while Mr. McClennan wonders, "Two? Two what?".

We expected another very close and challenging bout when they came back to town for our home closer, and that’s just what we got. Fargo leapt out to an early lead, scoring three grand slams and some change in the first four jams, leaving the score 24-2 going into jam 5. Our bench coaches, Mo Captain and the Rodster started prying our heads out of our asses and got us back into the game after a short timeout. During the remainderof the first half, the Roller Dames took lead jammer status 15 out of 19 times and held Fargo to very few points. We broke for halftime with the score 39-64, Dames.

T-Vicious, Dubbs and Mo Payne are harder to pass than a Chinese math class.

White Tiger Martial Arts did a really cool demo during halftime where this little girl wiped the floor with a boy who was trying to take her purse, so now I know what NOT to do next time I mug a small child.

"That's my purse! I don't know you!"

We took the track for the second half, confident that we had gotten our heads into the game. Then this happened: the Roller Dames were held scoreless for a stretch of five jams, while Fargo’s Sarin Dipity, Sin Gria, Skaty Gaga and Shock Therapy combined to score 42 points, snatching the lead as quickly and easily as I snatch little girls’ purses.

Though it looks like Mo is giving Dubbs a good, hard whip, she is actually in the process of flinging her to the ground so she can take back her leggings.

All of the things we did right in the first half, Fargo did righter in the second. They were awarded lead 11 of 19 jams and called it off nearly every time, holding us to few or no points. Mo Payne, Funsize, Dubbs and Felony Convixen continued to put up points for the Roller Dames, but we were never quite able to close the gap. At the buzzer, the final score was 144-110, Fargo.

This photo was taken seconds before The Annihilatrix turned green, shredded her boutfit and started smashing things. Skip ahead, skip ahead, we all learned a little something about human fragility and Bill Bixby walked proudly into the sunset.

Although I probably should have felt worse about the loss, Fargo is such a great team, I was honestly having too much fun to kick myself. And after our last two bouts where the score got ridiculously out of hand, I realize that I’d rather lose a close bout than win a blowout any day. Thanks a million to all of the players, coaches and volunteers who came down from Fargo; we can’t wait to do it again!

Does everyone look this cool when they call off a jam, or is it just Mo Payne?


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