And the Dame of the Month is….

FUNSIZE! Our own tiny-jammer-secret-weapon! Now, we have all seen what Funsize can do on the track; noodling through blockers like Mr. Fantastic, suddenly appearing as if from nowhere like Invisible Girl, turning her tiny body into an impenatrable rock wall like The Thing! (*note: in honor of Acme Comics’ upcoming Free Comic Book Day, I will henceforth compare everyone to superheroes…or supervillians if you rub me the wrong way)

Funsize, or Katie, or Wonder Woman, as she is sometimes known, spends her days fighting the forces of evil, non-biodegradable plastic products and humidity-bourne hair frizz, but by night, she, well, she still does all of those things AND she cranks up the awesome a little bit. When she’s not flying faster than a speeding bullet around the roller derby track, Funsize enjoys reading, ultimate fighting, Rockestra and Facebook stalking (she’s probably reading your status right now).

The resemblance... uncanny!

Funsize hails from the neighboring planet, Hin-Ton, where she was exposed to radiation as an infant. Then, on a family vacation to Martha’s Vineyard with her sister, Anita Spur, she was bitten by a radioactive cheetah (what are the odds, right?). These events led to Funsize developing the super-duper powers of blinding speed, iron thighs, X-ray smelling and super-human juking.

Ah, no one can almost fall like Funsize!

Her secret weapons include: the Funsize whip, the almost-fall-fakeout and the flying squirrel block. Her only known weakness is the music of Gene Autry; it drives her into a deep state of depression, which can only be reversed by playing the song, I Believe I Can Fly.


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