And the Award Goes to…..

You! For knowing so many awesome people: us! The Roller Dames and Korn Stalkers recently held our annual awards picnic at Pipe Dreams Camping and Tubing.

Yeah, we're gonna start a competitive tubing league. That's how good we are at it.

And the winners are….

MVP – Mo Payne

Best Jammer – PBR & Funsize

Best Blocker – T-Vicious

Best Pivot – The Annihilatrix

Triple Threat – PBR

Most Improved – Lil Mizfit

Rookie of the Year – HottMess & Tooth Fury

Best Bruise – The Annihilatrix

Best Injury – Tripmatize

Fan Favorite – Funsize

Spirit Award – Skinnerella

Best Attitude – Triple D

Badass Award – Dubbs

Best Boutfit – Felony Convixen

Unsung Hero – Spanky Bottoms

MVZ – Rainbow Spite

Eagle Eye – Speedtrap

Offtrack Asset – Jimmy Digital

Biggest Loser – Felony Convixen

Cleanest Skater – Steel Bullitt Stella

Most Minors – The Annihilatrix

Most Majors – Dubbs

Most Penalties in a single bout – Mo Payne (17)

Most Points in a single bout – PBR (80)

Most Points Runner up – Mo Payne (419)

Most Points – PBR (427)

T-Vicious cuddles with her Best Blocker award. She's not so vicious when she plied with food and awards.


The Annihilatrix shows off the injury that netted her "Best Bruise" title.


Funsize dons her award. A cape. She's still wearing it.

Triple D, incapable of not smiling.

Rainbow Spite pets her baby zebra award, and shields his young eyes from the Korn Stalkers lewd behavior.

Felony Convixen's tu tu was absent as she accepts her award for best boutfit.

Dubbs feels a healthy shame for her award for most penalties.

Mo and PBR compare broken records...most points, most penalties, same thing, right? I mean, they both start with a P.


Missed You Like the Dickens: Off-Season Wrap-Up

Let’s never be apart again! As you may have noticed, there has been far too little roller derby lately and that is because your dear little Roller Dames have taken a couple of months off. I’ve spent my free time climbing mountains (chaise lounge) in Argentina (my sister’s den) and rehabilitating (eating) orphaned lambs (ketchup-flavored chips).

Now that we’re all caught up on my life, let’s recap last year’s derby business. Last season went a little something like this: Win, Loss, Win, Win, Super-Win, Win, Loss, Win, Win, Loss, Loss, Loss, Loss. We ended with a record of 5-6, not counting the Rolling Along the River tournament, which we totally won, so if you count that as 3 wins, that gives us a winning record of 8-6. Not too shabby! However, if you didn’t go to the same statistical analysis class as I did, you might say we had a losing record.

We closed our season with an away bout against Old Capitol City Roller Girls, which was possibly the best bout ever in the history of mankind. We lost, but we lost in grand fashion, as we are wont to do. We had a sizeable lead at halftime, then in the second half OCCRG brought it like Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku and quickly closed the gap. The lead flip-flopped a time or two, mistakes were made, Old Capitol played kick-ass derby and ultimately came out on top 124-141. It was one of those bouts that was so competitive and so fun, the loss didn’t really sting. The house was packed and every fan got to see some killer roller derby.

Your dear Dames will be back at home on Saturday, August 27, taking on the Norfolk Bruizin’ Bettys, then two weeks later on September 10, we  host the Northern Lights of the Twin Cities. Can’t wait that long? Come to Cedar Rapids for our season opener on August 20. It’s only like 5 hours away, not currently underwater and **bonus** most days the town smells like oatmeal. It’s a magical place and totally worth a road trip.

Stay tuned (or whatever the hell you call it when you are talking about a blog) for schedule updates and off-season shenanigans!

Shenanigans?You mean Shenanigans?Are you guys talking about Shenanigans?


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