Mayday Mayhem by Eat Schmidt

What is better than over 24hrs of team traveling, mountains, fresh air, roller derby, and an armpit hair growing contest?  Well I would have to say not much.  This past weekend the dames traveled out to Greeley Colorado to participate in the Mayday Mayhem Tournament put on by the Slaughterhouse Derby Girls.  The weekend started out with 8 eager teams from all over the US even including Hawaii competing for the coveted Mayday Mayhem Trophy.

Way to stay in bounds and get that point, Funsize! (Photo courtesy of Pixel This Photography)

The Dames first and only bout on Friday was against Pacific Roller Derby.  Even though many of us were lacking sleep and a little stiff from traveling, the team pulled ahead quickly and ended the first half with a score of 238 to 4.  At the end of the bout, the Dames had our first victory of the weekend with a score of 370 to 51.  Saturday we kept the momentum going, pulling out 2 more wins against Slaughterhouse Derby Girls with a score of 363 to 104 and Cheyenne Capidolls with a score of 372 to 79.

Sum Mo Payne gets ready to dance her way through the pack on a power jam. (Photo courtesy of Pixel This Photography)

With both games being finished early afternoon, we headed down to Denver to watch the Rocky Mountain Roller Girls take on the Minnesota Roller Girls All-star team.   The Denver bout was inspiring and fun to watch.  With derby overload, we absorbed as much derby knowledge as we could and got even more pumped up for the bouts ahead.

Anita Spur sneaks by while Dubbs, The Annihilatrix and T-Vicious pester Junction City’s jammer. (photo courtesy of Pixel This Photography)

After another restful night of sleep, the dames traveled back to the Kill Floor to finish out the tournament.  We started out Sunday morning with a bout against the Foco Girls Gone Derby, and pulled out another win with a final score of 234-100.  The final championship game pitted the Dames against Junction City Roller Dolls out of Junction City, Utah.  Junction City put up a tough fight but could not get the win.  The Dames took the championship game with a score of 299-147, and PBR brought home a well-deserved MVP trophy.

The Dames all cuddled up with the very pointy championship trophy. In other news, Anita Spur can levitate. (Photo courtesy of the Sioux City Roller Dames)

All of the Dames that traveled to Colorado this past weekend not only showed their honed skills on the track, but also played with intense passion on the track.  The Mayday Mayhem tournament treated us well with amazing reffing and announcing crews, great teams, and a fun derby filled weekend.  The Dames showed true Dames dedication by playing through injuries, equipment failures, blisters, exhaustion, altitude and the embarrassment of hairy armpits.  I am proud to be a part of this amazing team and would not change any of it.

E Pluribus Skateum by Kaiser Wheelhelm

I’ve never considered myself an athlete.   In fact, I’ve usually had bad luck playing sports.  The first and last team I joined was a local T-ball league at age 7.  First day of practice I got a nice shiner trying to catch a fly ball.  Any future attempts at sports were relegated to physical education classes with me being picked last and getting hit by various balls.  Once in a while I’d have good luck with soccer or floor hockey.  I usually spent my time involved with speech or theatre and seemed to have found my niche there.   Over the years I felt pretty content with my situation, sure I didn’t fit in with most of the guys in school, but oh well it just wasn’t my thing.

Fast forward to a couple years ago.  A friend heard Sioux City had a roller derby team.  I’d been watching a few documentaries on roller derby in Texas, so I was pretty excited there was a team nearby.  Well into the season, my friend and I finally had a chance to see a home bout.  We had NO idea what to expect.  I honestly had pictured an auditorium full of people in hipster punk garb, loud and screaming, spilling beer everywhere and throwing trash at the losing team.   Oh how wrong I was.  Overcoming our nerves, we walked into the venue, and found a seat up high away from any attention.   The Dames were playing D3.  What an experience!  Everything moved so fast, and while I had a basic idea of the game going in, my head was just spinning trying to keep up with the action.  The speed and agility of the skaters, all the refs racing around blowing whistles, screaming penalties, watching the jammers bob and weave through blockers.  Hearing names like Funsize, PBR, Rainbow Spite, T-Vicious, the soft roar of skates on the court.  So new….So exciting…..So…..Different.  I’d found something here.  We went to every home bout from that point on.  The more I watched the more I wanted to be a part of derby.   Before I knew it, I was an NSO, right in the thick of it jam timing, scorekeeping and penalty tracking.  Pretty soon I had my skates and I was ready to work on getting my stripes.

Learning to skate again has been a challenge, and those first practices were pretty intimidating.  Watching the other skaters maneuver with such balance and skill made me constantly question my decision.  “Why am I doing this?”  “There’s no way I’ll get this!”  I had to remind myself these things take time, I’ll get there, don’t give up.  One of the lessons I’ve learned skating with the Dames is it’s not how good you are at a particular skill, it’s that you try.  Push yourself, if you fall, (and you will fall at some point) no big deal.  Get up and do it again.  Before you know it you learn that transition, skating backwards with ease, a quick snow plow or mohawk stop.  I’ve had the great fortune of skating with very supportive skaters.  Even an “off” day still feels like a great day with these players, and my fellow refs have helped this baby zebra continue to grow and learn the fine art referring.

Derby has been one of the most positive decisions I’ve made so far.  Skating has been a tremendous stress reliever.  I strap on my skates, and all the garbage of the day is merely dust beneath my wheels.  I’ve met some great skaters and become part of an amazing, accepting group of people.  We all come from different walks of life but are united in skates, E Pluribus Skateum if you will.  My journey into derby has just started, but I’m looking forward to a long skate.

I’m Kaiser Wheelhelm, and I ref roller derby.

 

 

 

Ohh, That Girl! by Gore May

What the hell is Gore May all about? I have asked myself that question about a million times now….

I remember the night my friend talked me into going to the bar for a recruitment night, and all I was thinking was, “Holy shmoley, people actually play roller derby?” I walked into the bar sporting a fever and runny nose, so sure I’d want to leave as soon as I showed up, but these ladies instantly had me captivated. I had no clue what I was signing myself up for. But there will never be a day when I regret joining this sport.

For the first few months there were days when I couldn’t even sit down to pee without being in agonizing pain, but I put on my big girl panties and kept at it.  It’s funny how many people seem astonished that I would even partake in this sport. Most think I’m too scrawny or too small, but to that I say “PSSSSHHHHHH, there’s no such thing!” It makes me laugh that people seem surprised that I would play this kind of sport.

Despite all the skepticism, and these two crazy bruise filled years, I’m glad I stuck around. This team has stolen my heart, and inspired me to do more than I imagined I could some days.

To anyone considering joining this sport, DO IT! Don’t doubt yourself, everything is with trying at least once.

Eating like an Athlete by Eat Schmidt

      

     When you hear the word “diet” what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  You’re probably thinking weight loss, various diets, not working, “magic formula”, having to eat things that are gross, along with many other things.  Roller derby is becoming more and more of a competitive sport every day and in order to be competitive in the world of roller derby, you have to take care of your body.

     I have spent a lot of time over the years that I have been in athletics researching about what a healthy diet should look like.  When I was in high school, I was 5 ft. 7 215 lbs. and loved to swim, throw shot put, and play some soccer.  I was fairly active, but by no means was I in any sort of “athletic” shape.  My weight and horrible diet limited my athletic potential.  Once I got in college, I joined my college swim team and to my surprise, I couldn’t finish a single workout and was exhausted all the time.  After a couple weeks I decided to change what I was eating by eating healthier.  This was by no means easy.  I cut out a lot of my favorite foods like pop, candy, chips, and even my favorite desert, cheese cake.  To my amazement, I started losing weight faster, felt and slept better, and even performed better.  Since then, I have lost about 50lbs.  Now today I am not going to focus on ways to lose weight, but rather on the importance of changing your diet to the diet of an athlete.

     As an athlete, it is important to fuel your body with nutrient rich foods.  Depending on what you diet looks like now, just cutting out pop, sweets, or just limiting your salt intake can be simple things that can improve how your body functions.   Now you are probably wondering why I chose these things.  First of all, pop dehydrates a person, which for an athlete can be detrimental to being able to perform very well.  Pop and sweets also contain a plethora of sugar, aka empty calories, your body doesn’t need.  Sugars also make your metabolism spiral into peaks and valleys causing you to have spurts of high energy followed by low energy.  Consuming too much salt can also dehydrate you and also cause you to retain excess water in your body and believe me, salt hides in almost everything you eat.  Limiting or eliminating these things can help you move toward becoming a better athlete.

     Now that I have bummed you out by telling you not to eat your favorite food, I am going to give you some ideas of healthier foods to replace your beloved foods with.  As I am sure you have heard time and time again, fruits and vegetables are your friend and are good for you.  Both are excellent sources micronutrients aka “vitamins and minerals”.  Fruits and vegetables are more filling then processed foods and can help keep your body running like a well-oiled machine.   Also, athletes require large amounts of carbohydrates for energy, so for those of you that have those long practices or roller derby tournaments, getting enough carbs is important.  A great source of quality carbs are whole wheat which have not been over processed and provide you with the greatest amount of nutrients.  And lastly, WATER, drink LOTS of WATER.  Drinking enough water keeps you from becoming dehydrated, prevents muscle cramps, helps you fill full longer, and can give you more energy. To know how much water to drink, take your body weight/2 and take that number and drink that in ounces (150lbs/2 = 75 = 75 oz water).

     To some of you, eliminating your favorite foods and adding those “gross” vegetables may seem like an impossible task, but I tell you, they are well worth it. Even making the choice to change one thing can make a big difference for your body.  So take a chance and try at least one or two things that I mentioned above and see if you notice a difference in the weeks following.   More than likely you will start to feel more energetic and feel better.  And if not, I can guarantee, you will feel the negative effects if you add those unhealthy foods back into your diet.

~Eat Schmidt

I am Karmakaze

 

As a kid I was diagnosed with a heart murmur. Not a death sentence by any means, but it definitely impacted my lifestyle. I was told sports would not likely be an option for me, that pregnancy would be a touchy subject (I was 5 by the way…) and I would probably need a risky surgery. Whenever I did get involved in sports, I was told to “take it easy” “take lots of breaks” “don’t push yourself too hard.” A couple seasons of junior league soccer and a season of town-sponsored softball were pretty much the extent of my athletic career. Instead, I watched my brothers excel in their respective athletics; while I focused on academics and earning my keep by getting my first paper route at age 11 and official job at the Dairy Queen at 14.

 

In my adult life, I have developed an interest in health and wellness. With the doctor’s warning still ringing in my ears, I joined a gym instead of a team and started eating healthy. Most of my meals growing up came from a box or a can, quick and easy. Now, my food comes from the ground. I recently made the switch to a primarily plant-based diet…an herbivore. It’s as cool as it sounds, I swear. I think I spend more time preparing my food than eating it… my dad teases me, but it’s sparked an interest in him that I’m extremely proud of.

 

Throughout the years I have also developed a penchant for adrenaline. Up until last year, I got my kicks through migrating. My first soul-shaking-mind-opening-can’t believe-this-is-my-life-event happened when I packed my bags and moved to Europe. During that year I traveled to 10 different countries, met countless new friends and earned my Badge of Courage. One of my most treasured memories was catching my first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower. It literally took my breath away. I stood there with my three friends in awe, it’s when I knew that there was SO much more I wanted to see. To be.

 

Roller Derby has been my Eiffel Tower. From the moment I step on the track, I know I’m not in Kansas anymore. Between those lines, there is so much more to Be. There’s an energy that courses through the pack, like blood through veins, the jammers at heart center. Some blockers are looking to kill, waiting to pounce at the first whistle blow. Others are playful, but determined. Jammers are quick, rebound quickly and spend those 2 minutes a living, breathing target.  It’s all very exciting!

 

On top of the opportunity to hit people, be part of a team of amazing women and get fit doing it, the piéce de résistance for any derby girl is her alter ego name selection.I wish I had a neat story behind my name, but really… it was just a play on words. Karmakaze. I just thought I was being clever. I have since been told it’s the name of a band, defined by Urban Dictionary as: a person charged with the suicide mission of delivering instant karma, and the pen name of a fan-fiction author. For me, it’s the perfect balance of fortitude,determination, retaliation and all around badass-ery. I push myself daily on a physical, mental and spiritual level thanks to this sport. Take that Dr. Brogle: I am Karmakaze.

The Joys of Sitting the Bench by Eat Schmidt

 

Having to sit the bench is probably one of the hardest things to do in any sport, but I find it especially hard to do in roller derby.  Watching your close friends and teammates give 110% out on the track, getting banged up in the process can be hard to watch, especially if you aren’t out there yourself.  Being a newer skater to the team, naturally I get the privilege of sitting the bench during the bouts.  Sitting the bench is the inevitable rite of passage that everyone has to go through when starting out as a skater.  Right now it is my turn to take that seat.  Naturally, like any other competitive person, I want to be out there in the action, not warming a seat on the bench.  When sitting the bench, I realized I had two options, A: Pout, be sad, and frustrated or B: Have fun, enjoy myself, and be as much of a team player as possible.

Since I started playing roller derby, I have gotten to spend my fair share of time on the bench.  At first, I felt more comfortable sitting the bench.  At this point, I was still unsure of what I was doing and WAY too out of shape to stay in very long.  Looking back, I could barely make it through one jam without having to sit out for 5 minutes to recuperate, not to mention I understood less than 10% of the rules.  As I have progressed and grown as a skater I have started to develop this intense hunger and passion for skating and being out on the track. As you would expect of someone with this craving, I have tried to develop strategies to get into the game and believe me, I have tried just about everything I can think of.  I have spent a lot of time trying to use “the force”, puppy dog eyes, sad faces, angry stares, and my own will power to get a chance to play the game, but sadly those normally don’t work and I continue to sit on the bench.  (P.S. if you know any secret ways of mind bending or strategies to get off the bench, feel free to let me know)

This last weekend, I got the pleasure to travel with the Dames to Des Moines to play some roller derby.  I ended up spending the whole time sitting the bench along with some of the other newer skaters. The game started out slow, but within a few jams, it was full of intense, emotionally charged jams.  Everyone in the crowd and the players were on edge as each team jockeyed for the lead.  While I wasn’t physically out there playing I felt like I was with my muscles tense, holding my breath with each turn trying to will my teammates onward toward victory.   As the other team pulled ahead, I could see the looks of frustration coming from the bench and my teammates on the track.  I decided that from that point on, I was going to try to help others on the bench to focus on the positive.  While I take the game seriously, laughter and humor never hurt anyone, right?  So I proceeded to incorporate some dance parties on the bench, which is rather hard work I might add.  I intermixed these dance parties with some powerful loud cheers for my teammates, that I could only do in short bursts because I started to get light headed and had to stop or risk passing out.  And finally along with others on the team, I tried to encourage my teammates both on the bench and out on the track.  Since smiles and laughter are contagious, by the end of the game, there were smiles throughout the team (which was also because we won), but part of me would like to think it was because of peoples’ change in attitudes.

Those on the bench are just as important to the team as the players out on the track.  Not only is having a strong group of skaters on the bench important, but the attitudes of the players on the bench is also important to the strength of the team.  So the next time you get to sit on the bench, remember it is what you make of it.  You are part of the team, you practice with them, and you help make the team what it is today.  So don’t forget that and remember, have fun.

~Eat Schmidt 

Derby Blog: Version 3 by OCD

MO: “Derby Mission: I would like a write up about what makes you, you as a skater.  Email it to me in 3 weeks.  You dig?”

OCD: “Yes, ma’am.  Preferred length/alternative purpose?  Or just answer the question?”

This exchange in and of itself should be a good indicator of what makes me “OCD” on the track. And as a matter of full disclosure, it has been longer than three weeks and this is blog entry version three.

I am meticulous. I love academics. I actually enjoy editing academic papers (and will do so for money, by the way).

I like rules. And laws. I am a rule follower.

I over analyze everything. Everything. (Even now I am wondering whether I want to use these sentence fragments for effect or if I should correct them so as to better advertise my editing skills.)

These very qualities that annoy my family, friends, and total strangers are also the qualities that make me well-suited to reffing derby.

Yep, I’m a roller derby referee. Funny, Rainbow Spite, our head ref, knew it the first night.  Within a few minutes of meeting me she’d claimed me as her own. As my newbie group began our derby journey together, it became apparent that some of us were natural athletes and some of us were more….shall we say….  Oh, heck!  I’ll just say it. I had a slow skating learning curve but I rocked at the rules!

I’m happy to say that I’ve now reffed a few scrimmages and a couple bouts and I’m gaining confidence and skills every day. I’m ready and willing to learn and I’m happy to share what I know. I’m an adolescent zebra ready to blossom into adulthood!  Too much?  Okay, point taken.

I chose the name Obsessive Compulsive Destroyer. I own my disorder, but it will not control my life. I will use it for the powers of derby good, not evil!  But I am who I am, and I chose number 181. Not only is it a palindrome, but you can fold it I half vertically and it lines up perfectly!